The 5 Worst Movies Of 2011

I promised to lay out a list of the 5 worst movies of 2011. So are you ready? This is my own opinions, so if you dont agree, your problem. Here we go:

1. Änglagård Tredje Gången Gilt

Of all the movies that came out this year, i felt so sick watching this piece of shit. Nothing works, no real acting, the story makes no sense. So why the hell did Svensk Filmindustri lay all that money out on this project? No, i had enough, send Colin Nutley home to England, we dont want his fucking movies here anymore.


2. Something Borrowed

Will someone stop Kate Hudson from making movies like this? This is another worthless romantic movie, made with absolutely no intelligence at all. Nothing is funny, nothing is cute, its just pure shit. 


3. The Brazen Bull

I respect Michael Madsen as an actor, he has made some classic movie roles. But nowdays he usually ends up in really bad c movies. The Brazen Bull is honestly one of his worst movies ever, where he torture people. What the fuck happened Michael Madsen? Stop doing this to yourself, you deserve to be in a real project, not anything as low as this.


4. Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1

Twilight fans adore these stories. I ask myself why. Is it because of the love story? Yes, i guess so. But i honestly dont care, theres nothing good about Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1. Its just so boring, im just wondering if it will ever end. And for god sake Taylor Lautner, put a shirt on, or i will have to beat your ass.


5. Hellraiser: Revelations

I was looking forward to a new fresh start of Hellraiser. Oh man i was wrong. Hellraiser: Revelations is a extremely low budget project, not worth the respect from Clive Barke´s original work. Its a shame someone more talented didnt take this into their hands, now were left with nothing except a terrible slasher.


There you go folks, my top 5 of the worst movies of 2011. I will be posting new movie reviews next week, so keep your eyes open.

Happy New Bizkit Year

Yes, 2011 is coming to and end. We had some memorable movies out over this year, we can look back and remember some of the highlights, and those movies wich....sucked ass. So tomorrow im having a top 5 of the worts movies of 2011, i love doing that since every other movie reviewer is doing Best Movies Of 2011. So keep your eyes open, and check it out tomorrow. And remember, bring Gold Cobra to the New Years eve party, maximum volume, and just go nuts. Lets all look forward to 2012. Will i bring more movie reviews soon? You know i will.....

Crazy Stuped Love

For those who know my personality, im not a romantic casanova. Im terrible at coming up with ideas for romance, to make things simple, a romantic evening for me would be watching the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 2003, with a Big Bite pizza from Biteline. So what do you say ladies, doesnt this sound super nice? So just imagine how much enjoy romantic comedies......But actually, i can enjoy some, if they actually are funny and have a intelligent script. With an incredible cast, Steve Carell, Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling, Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon, does Crazy Stuped Love deliver anything outside the usual romace package?

Cal Weaver ( Steve Carell ) have been married for over 20 years with his wife Emily Weaver ( Julianne Moore ). One evening while having dinner downtown, Emily tells Cal she wants a divorce. Shocked and confused, Cal is about to find out, she also slept with a working friend called David Lindhagen ( Kevin Bacon ). Cal leaves his cheating wife, and his kids, to get a new start. While depressed in a bar, he meets ladies man Jacob Palmer ( Ryan Gosling ). Jacob see how depressed Cal is over the situation, and makes a deal, he will help him become a new man. After some hard training, Cal finally gets it, that even he can be attractive to other women. But is this really what he wants`?

Crazy Stuped Love is suprisingly funny, it brings up all those things we all think about, do i need to change? Am i really happy with my life? And the biggest suprise is actually Steve Carell, this is his best performance in many years. His comic timing is really good. Ryan Gosling is also a suprise in this genre, usually we see him in much darker movies, but here he does a good performance as a true hustler, doing everything to remove new panties. There are some suprising twists in the story, wich makes Crazy Stuped Love a bit funnier than the usual romantic comedy. So, if youre gonna watch something romantic this year with someone you love, this would be a good choice. Just promise me to stay away from Kate Hudson.....

Rating: DDD

Colombiana

The year was 1994. I went out of the cinema after watching Luc Besson´s masterpiece Leon. I cant say there are many movies that still makes me feel enchanted, the way Leon still does. Ive probably watched it over 10 times, and still love it just as much as i did the first time. But that was almost 17 years ago, and since then Luc Besson hasnt really done anything as magnificant as Leon is. The Transporter movies were a fun ride, but thats about it. While he has continued producing different genre movies, he still manages to throw out some suprises, just when you think he is out of order. Colombiana is a bit different than his latest projects, so is this a step in the right direction?

Colombia, 1992. Drug lord Don Luis Sandoval ( Beto Benites ) have just finished buisness with Fabio Maria Estrepo, who just paid off his debt. But Don Luis dont trust Fabio, and wants him and his family dead. He sends his men to finish the family, but Fabio´s daughter Cataleya Restrepo, manages to escape with information about Don Luis, wich could destroy his drug empire. She visits the american embassy, where she leaves the information, and they manage to help her to America. But while in Miami, she escapes from the federal agency, and manages to travel to Chicago to her uncle Emilio Restrepo ( Cliff Curtis ) . She begins a new life with Emilio, where he also agrees to help her train as an assassin. 15 years later, Cataleya ( Zoe Saldana ), is getting closer to kill her main target Don Luis, but with his powerful army, things are not going to be easy.

It would be fair to call this Leon Goes Latino, because there are similarities with the story of Leon. Even if Colombiana is not as powerfull as Leon, its still a very good action movie. Its fast, its full of rage, and with a sexy latino girl kicking ass, you cant be dissapointed, right? Even if Luc Besson isnt directing this time, instead he leaves the job to talented Olivier Megaton, it still works on paper, with the final results. The story itself may seem very thin, but with so many smooth screen shots, including acoustic latino music wich fits right in, you cant feel dissapointed. And the acting? Nothing to complain about, the cast deliver strong personalities, and get very physical with so many guns and plenty of violence. Finally a solid action movie, with all the ingredients we all want. This is trully one of the better movies of this genre of the year 2011. Buy yourself a copy, i know you wont be dissapointed.

Rating: DDDD

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1

Ever since Twilight came out, girls all ages have orgasm every time they see Taylor Lautner without a shirt. Ok, maybe some guys also...Now, i have only seen the first Twilight movie. So why watch the 4th part 1 now, when i havent seen what happend in New Moon and Eclipse? Because i got a free ticket to this movie, so i thought, why not? So what happends this time around in the world of Twilight?

1. Bella and Edward gets married
2. Bella and Edward have sex
3. Bella gets pregnant
4. Jacob is pissed off
5. Jacob starts to cry

There you go folks, i already told you too much. But if you are a Twilight fan, i know you already read the books. So what is Breaking Dawn Part 1? Its......almost like reading Blondinbella´s blog, its completely useless. I can understand why teen girls love this, theres so much romance and love, that in the audience i can see girls smiling like its their own wedding. What i am about to say now will make Twilight fans want to kick me in the nuts. Breaking Dawn Part 1 is awful. Where do i start? The main characters Edward and Jacob arent very interesting, the storyline is terrible, and the action scenes ( the few you get to see ) are so boring, scratching my nuts is more fun. When Taylor Lautner gets pissed off in a scene against the wolf clan, 3 words come to my mind:

That was gay

Ok, its not the worst vampire movie ive seen, there may be some worse, but still.....My advice, rent one of the Blade movies again instead. They have alot more to offer than Taylor Lautner without his shirt on.

Rating: D

The Stig-Helmer Story

If i told you, that 2.5 million people went to the cinema back in 1980, to watch Stig Helmer, a train collector nerd on vacation, you would probably wonder what made this movie special. The first movie called Sällskapsresan became a classic, because it wanted to show how swedish people usually are on vacation. And i have to admit, it had some funny moments. Then the sequels came, where Stig Helmer went to a ski resort, celebrated midsummer, played golf in Scotland, and went on a spa weekend. But honestly, the ideas were already running out in the 5th movie back in 1999, so my expectation for this new movie wasnt very high. So with Stig Helmer back on the screen, does he still know how to entertain the audience after over 30 years?

Stig-Helmer ( Lasse Åberg ) is now 70 years old, living in a retirement home. He still loves trains, and try to afford to buy classic models to his collection. He gets in contact with his old friend Ole ( Jon Skolmen ), to ask for his help. He wants to find his first love Annika. They both go out on a journey, to find the woman Stig-Helmer never forgot about, to see if he still have a chance to have her hand.

The story itself is pretty thin, but the movie is actually suprisingly charming. We travel back at moments to Stig-Helmers youth, were you see how he became this original personality. Its very simple, but thanks to some good comic points, The Stig-Helmer Story gives you a positive moment. But what really makes the movie work is Jon Skolmen, the norwegian actor, who still knows how to entertain the audience. Theres really not alot to complain about, The Stig-Helmer Story is a movie for the whole family, where even your grandparents will laugh at moments. Who needs Colin Nutley when we have Stig-Helmer and his train collection?

Rating: DDD

Kronjuvelerna

Lets be honest. Swedish movies are usually made in a certain way, to please the certain swedish audience. Its always been like this, and it will continue. So when a swedish movie that both looks different, and tells a different story, i always try and take a look. Kronjuvelerna has a mix of everything, a murder story, a love story, with influences from european cinema. But the question is, does it all mix well together?

Fragancia ( Alicia Viklander ) is arrested for murder attempt on Richard Persson ( Bill Skarsgård ), son of the wealthy factory director Persson ( Loa Falkman ). While beeing interrogated by Inspector Samnerud ( Tomas Von Brömssen ), details about her past is about to be revealed. When she was a young girl, Richard Persson was obsessed about having her. But she refused to be his, since she always been in love with ice hockey professional player Petterson Jonsson ( Björn Gustafsson ). When she finds out Pettersson is gay, her world crashes into pieces. And as she grows up, her life is becoming more complicated. Her little brother Jesús ( Jesper Lindberger ) drowns in a lake, after Richard and his friend, challange him to be cool, if he manages to find his keys in the water, that Richard threw into the lake. Everything goes wrong, and Jesús is not found. Fragancia finds out the truth, and she doesnt know how she will continue living. But even if everything is looking worthless, empty, things are about to change, more than she ever could expect.

Director Ella Lemhagen has some interesting twists in this story, its not just about love, its about life, and how people react in life crises. So far, so good. But the biggest problem is that some parts, are very strangely put together. While some scenes are very intensive, some scenes looks pretty silly. And im not sure what Ella Lemhagen was trying to achieve with this. Its a shame everything doesnt work, since this could have been a brand new start for the swedish movie industry, to try and make something different. Kronjuvelerna is at least an example of new thinking, and i have to give credit to Ella Lamehagen for that, she could be a new hope to swedish cinema. Lets just hope her next project can show us something more edgier, and more suprising than this, then we actually may have something to look forward to.

Rating: DD

Apollo 18

Found footage have made it into the cinema once again. Paranormal Activity made lots of box office money, and every sequel seemed to hold the audience terrified. Now, heres a different kind of found footage, made into a movie. Were going into space in the 70´s, to see what happened on a austronaut journey. Is Apollo 18 the new generations Blair Witch Project?

December, 1974. NASA sends 3 austronauts to the moon, to place detectors on the planets surface. These detectors will help United States detect nuclear weapon attacks, from USSR. But while working, they find a russian Sovjet LK Lander. With no information about this, the team tries to find out whats happened. They find a dead russian cosmonaut. The team is told to continue their work, and ignore this by their headquarters. But something strange is happening outside their lunar model Liberty. Are they really alone out there?

To appreciate Apollo 18, you got to have patience. The storyline is slow, and you dont really see anything, or know whats going on for a long time. But thats a good thing, because most movies tend to giveaway clues too early. Of course im not buying that this is real footage, its simply made to look real. But from a entertainment perspective, Apollo 18 works just fine. Its fun to see director Gonzalez Lopéz-Gallego try to capture the feeling of beeing back in the 70´s with corny movie shots, as filmed by old cameras. It gives this movie some kind of originality, since not that many movies nowdays tell stories about NASA in the 70´s. Even if Apollo 18 is slow at some moments, it still lands as one of the better real footage horror movies this year, thanks to some original ideas. Remember what the Alien poster said? In space...no one can hear you scream.

Rating: DDD

Cowboys And Aliens

Most western fans love classic movies, from director Sergio Leone. He created his own view on western movies, in a completely different way than most western stories. But since the early 70´s, the genre didnt really survive into the 80´s. Most updated western stories just didnt draw any audience to the cinema. So its great to see that western still lives on in 2011, since there are not many releases. When i heard about Cowboys And Aliens, i got kind of curious. Can this strange combination work, aliens fighting cowboys?

1873, Arizona. Jake Lonergan ( Daniel Craig ) wakes up out in the desert, wounded, wearing a strange metal band on his left wrist. 3 drifters passing by try and rob Jake, but he manages to beat them down. He finds his way to the small town of Absolution, where the local preacher Meacham ( Clancy Brown ), help Jake to heal his wound. The towns sherriff Haggart ( Keith Carradine ) recognize the face of Jake, as a criminal on the run. Jake is arrested and put in jail, but things are about to become very strange in the town of Absolution. Alien spaceships arrives, and attack the people of the town. While some of the population is abducted by aliens, Jake is ready to strike back with the help of Colonel Dolarhyde ( Harrison Ford ) and his men.

It would be easy to think this is an awful mix, since some genres should not be mixed together. But, if you do it in the right way, then it can actually be refreshing. Cowboys And Aliens does not have much of a storyline, but thats not what we want honestly. This is made to please both western fans, as well as sci fi lovers. Director Jon Favreau ( mostly known for his Iron Man movies ), delivers a well made western, with a different approach than the usual western movie. Some may find this silly, and useless, since they may think this is disrepectful to the classics. If you do, try see this with an open mind. Even if Cowboys And Aliens wasnt a box office hit, its still worth a look. So saddle up with some snacks, get that hat on, it's time to visit the prairie.

Rating: DDD

Captain America: The First Avenger

Matt Parker and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park, did a puppet movie called Team America, and for some reason, that theme songs lyrics, fits right into this comic book character. Because what can be more american than Captain America? Lets see, Mr T is probably almost as american, and of course Flavor Flav. But now lets talk about this comic book character, wich became a sucessfull comic book character in 1941. After different versions made on tv and on the big screen, Marvel Studios wanted to update a new version, still with a feeling of nostalgia.

Tonsberg, Norway in the year 1942. Nazi officer Johann Schmidt ( Hugo Weaving ) finds a mysterious tesseract, wich contains powers no human should get involved with. But Johann wants to use this powerfull object to bring chaos all over the world. Dr. Abraham Erskine ( Stanley Tucci ) is involved with a secret millitary experiment, to create a special soldier, who can defeat the nazi army in Europe. He meets Steve Rogers ( Chris Evans ) , while Steve is trying to get into the millitary without any success. Dr Abraham sees that Steve, might be just the right man for this experiment. Steve agrees on becoming a part of this project. When the experiment is finished, Steve´s body has changed, his strength is amazing, as well as his speed. But some in the millitary are not sure this new super soldier called Captain America is ready for the war.....

While i disliked Green Lantern, this is deffinetely an improvment. Captain America feels like a trip back to the older days, when cinema heroes filled the cinema seats. The settings are nicely made back to the 40´s, with swing music, as well as old classic machine guns. And if you love nazi war movies, then dont worry, theres plenty of action in some scenes to please you. Not much bad to say really about Captain America, as a comic book movie it delivers entertainment. Just let that comic kid inside you come back to life again.

Rating: DDD