Movie 43

Ever since summer, i have been asked by some readers of my movie blog, if i would do a review of Movie 43. For a while i was not sure if i even wanted to see this one, considering almost every critic hated this motion picture. But finally, i decided to listen to my readers, and take a look at Movie 43 with an open mind. With the biggest cast list ever in history, from Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Hugh Jackman, Dennis Quaid, Richard Gere, Halle Berry, and many many more, is this a motion picture for movie lovers in general, or is this the disaster every critic is saying it is ?

Charlie Wessler ( Dennis Quaid ) is a mad screenwriter, who have ideas for a new movie. He visits film executive Griffin Schraeder ( Greg Kinnear ) , so he can hear his ideas to this new movie. As Charlie begins to tell each story, Griffin is not sure if this sounds like a good idea.

The Catch

Beth ( Kate Winslet ) is a single business woman, who is ready to go on a blind date. Not knowing who this guy is, her friend show her a picture of Davis ( Hugh Jackman ) in Gotham Magazine. He is obviously famous, and good looking. So Beth is curious how he is as a person. As they meet at the restaurant. She notice that he have balls, hanging from his throat. Davis try and get a conversation going, but Beth is having a hard time enjoying this blind date.

Homeschooled

Samantha Miller ( Naomi Watts ) and her husband Robert Miller ( Liev Schreiber ) invite their new neighbours Sean ( Alex Cranmer ) and Clare ( Julie Ann Emery ) for coffee. Samantha and Robert have a teenage son, Kevin Miller ( Jeremy Allen White ). As the conversation begins, Samantha and Robert tell the new neighbours they homeschool their son. Samantha make out with her son, Robert hang him up in a flagpole, with poo on his chest, and order him to scream he wants to suck lots of dick. Sean and Clare begin to wonder what is going on ?

The Proposition

On a beautiful sunny day Doug ( Chris Pratt ) is ready to propose to his girlfriend Julie ( Anna Farris ). As he is ready to say the magic Words, Julie have a request. She wants him to poo on her. Doug can´t belive what he is hearing, but he promise he will do this. At a barbecue at their house, Dougs friend Larry ( J.B. Smoove ) give Doug a special bottle, that will help him shit bigger than ever before. As the night comes, and Doug is ready to give Julie her big surprise. But what he planned is about to go terribly wrong.

Veronica

Neil ( Kieran Culkin ) is working in a grocery store. At the cash register, he meets his ex-girlfriend Veronica ( Emma Stone ). They begin to argue, as the speaker is on and all the customers hear them. As the arguement continue, Veronica walks away, and Neil follows her. The customers take over the store.

Superhero Speed Dating

Batman´s Sidekick Robin ( Justin Long ) is on a speed date. As he is trying to talk to a girl, Batman ( Jason Suedikis ) runs in and explain something about a bomb. But he lets Robin fisnish his next speed date. Next girl is Lois Lane ( Uma Thurman ). She explain that Superman ( Bobby Cannavele ) is stocking her and shoot cum on her window. Batman comes back to interupt the speed date, but give Robin one more chance. The speed date continue, but everything that could go wrong is becoming even worse.

Machine Kids

A faux commercial, showing how kids work are stuck in machines, while adults take out their anger on machines, while kids have to work inside, with no respect or love.

iBabe

At a developing company, The Boss ( Richard Gere ) and his various workers is having a meeting, on the new product iBabe,  a life-sized, realistic replica of a nude woman which functions as an MP3 player. As the team present the product, the company discuss how you will prevent kids from fucking the iBabe.

Tampax

A faux commercial. Two hot women is swimming in an ocean, when suddenly a shark eats one of them. The commercial ends with the words Tampax - Now leak proof.

Middleschool Date

Nathan ( Jimmy Bennet ) and Amanda ( Chloe Graze Moretz ) are watching tv, as they start to kiss each other. Nathan´s older brother Mikey ( Christopher Mintz-Plasse ) comes into the room, and make fun of the teenagers. Suddenly Amanda finds out she have her first period, and both of the brothers freak out. When Amanda´s dad arrive to pick her up, chaos is about to begin.

Happy Birthday

Brian ( Sean William Scott ) is having a bad day. His roomate Pete ( Johnny Knoxville ) slept with Brian´s girlfriend. Pete feels bad about this. So he want to cheer Brian up. Pete says he have a surprise for Brian as he take him down the basement. Here he have a kidnapped leprechaun ( Gerald Butler ), as a birthday present for Brian. Pete thinks the leprechaun knows where gold can be found, so he try to torture the leprechaun to get an answer. Suddenly the phone rings, the leprechaun´s brother calls, to make a deal with Pete, if he give them gold, his brother will stay alive. A big pot of gold is found outside Brian and Pete´s house. With so much money they think everything is going to be alright. The leprechaun´s brother is hiding inside the pot of gold, as he attacks Brian. Pete kill both the Leprechauns and cut them into pieces, and then show Brian his special present, a fairy who sucks dicks for gold coins.

Truth or Dare

Donald ( Stephen Merchant ) and Emily ( Halle Berry ) are at a date in a restaurant. Donald try and begin a conversation, to learn more about Emily. But she does not want to tell him the same boring stuff, so she suggest they play Truth Or Dare. In this game, Donald is force to grab Another guys ass, Emily is forced to dip her tit in guacamole. As the game goes on, more crazy things happen, as both of them get plastic surgery and tattoos. David end up going with Emily to her appartment. First Emily fools David she is not interested in sex, but it turns out she is ready for a ride.

Victory’s Glory

The year is 1959. Coach Jackson ( Terence Howard ) is training the Ellison High Journeymen basketball team. They are about to meet the first white team ever, called Hickory Tech. Before the game begins, Coach Jackson is trying to get the boys ready, to kick some white ass.

I really tried to give Movie 43 a chance, considering the cast list is amazing. But does a great cast save a movie that does not work at all ? No, this is embarrassing. Do i laugh at Hugh Jackman with balls on his face. No, because the comedy scenes are not funny, as they should have been. There are so many scenes here with different sketches, that you sit there wondering.....what the hell were all these directors thinking ? Just look here, there are sketches directed by Brett Ratner, Griffin Dunne, Peter Farrelly, and Steve Carr, directors who have made ( some ) good movies. And here they fuck up, totally. And when you think at least one of the sketches might be good, something goes wrong and you feel sick, that you have to watch all of this for 90 minutes. What is all these great actors doing here, are they so desperate to make money on this garbage ? I tried to give Movie 43 a chance, and see this with an open mind. But still i could not leave without thinking, this is shit. Kevin Sorbo, please come back and make another sequel to Walking Tall, so we don´t have to experience Movie 43 again. One of the worst movies i have ever seen ? Yes, don´t rent this one or watch it on Netflix, burn Movie 43 in the ground next to Something Borrowed.

Rating: D