The Human Centipede 3

Kids, gather round. Uncle Daniel have an important story to tell.

A long, long time ago, in the year of 2009, a film called The Human Centipede made all the people happy of Frälsningsarmen. In fact, they were so happy to see this film, they danced and hugged each other all the time, everywhere. It was the most happy film ever made, and everyone felt so much love watching it. But one day, the evil Feministika Partiet tried to make it stop showing on screen. Frälsningsarmen were so sad, they just wanted to be happy people again. But then, a man known as Richard Herrey, came to town, to make sure that peace was in the air. He made sure that The Human Centipede was going to be shown everywhere, or else.....he would show Feministiska Partiet his chest hair. Feministiska Partiet know that this was their worst fear, male chest hair is like kryptonite to them. So everyone was happy again, thanks to Richard Herrey and his chest hair.

The End

That was a wonderful story, now let´s get back to the review. There are plenty of horror films where you have experiments on human bodies. One of the most classic films in this genre is without a doubt Re-Animator from 1985. A science fiction horror comedy, with so many crazy scenes including body parts, coming back to life. At the time of the release, Re-Animator became very controversial, because it was a very brutal film. Still, both film critics and the audience praised this film adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft episodic novella " Herbert West Re-Animator ". The film adaptation of Re-Animator proved to be a very well made B horror film, from director Stuart Gordon. The ídea of a special liquid, turning dead humans back to life, could almost sound like another version of Frankenstein. But it was actually more original, and that made this an 80´s classic. Plenty of films were released on the subject, turning people back to life, or killing people in different ways. But in 2009, we actually got to see an original horror film, that most of you know as The Human Centipede. This is a horror film, that tried a different approach on human surgery, where a mad surgeon, begin to sewing people together. It was not an box office success, but people seemed to enjoy the concept, and it sold well on dvd. A sequel was of course released, not sucessfull either, but with worse reviews than the first film. Director Tom Six got a lot of attention thanks to these films in the horror community, where fans were curious to see his next project. So, when the news came out, he is making a final film in The Human Centipede series, no one was really sure what Tom Six would do this time. So here we are, and i just got a chance to see his latest sequel. Is this third film almost as good as the original film, or is this one of those sequels you are guaranteed to forget ?

Bill Boss ( Dieter Laser ), is one of the toughest prison wards you could meet. He is in control, and do whatever he feels like doing. His accountant Dwight Butler ( Laurence R. Harvey ), is making sure that everything works around Bill, including the massive paper work. After Bill have an confrontation with Inmate 297 ( Robert Lasardo ), Bill decide to cut off his testicales and have them cooked. Governor Hughes ( Eric Roberts ) comes to visit the prison, telling Bill that they need to clean up their brutal ways with prisoners. or he will make sure they are all fired. Dwight suggest to Bill, that they should sew the inmates together, mouth towards anus, so they can make a ginat human prison centipede, to be in full control of the prisoners.  Director of The Human Centipede films, is invited to the prison, to have his blessing for them, to use his idea. The prisoners are shown what will happen to them, they protest but stand no chance against Bill´s backup prison guards. The massive surgeries are about to begin, and Bill is really excited about the final results. Will Governor Hughes be impressed and let them continue their work with prisoners ?

If you did enjoy the first film of Human Centipede, then i suggest you should read this before checking out this third film. The strength of the first film, was that it was very disturbing, and had a plot that felt different, and original enough to stand by itself. The second film was very different, but purhaps not the sequel that i was hoping for. One positive thing with the sequel was that it did not repeat itself from the first film, but still not good enough to enjoy completely. I was actually hoping that this third ( final ? ) film would be something really special, with a very different turn in the Human Centipede series. When i saw the promo trailer, with Eric Roberts showing up inside a prison, my expectations went higher. Simply because i loved the idea of seing Eric Roberts back on screen. After watching this film, i ask myself....what the hell is this ? I know it says Human Centipede 3, but for a sequel, this must be a joke. Where do i start ? The acting is really bad, and the dialogue is awful in so many scenes. Does Eric Roberts save the day ? Not really, he is fun to watch for a little while, but he can´t do anything for this film to be any better. In this third chapter, director Tom Six tries to use more humour, and mix it all with the centipede substance. It does not work. This feels like a cheap way to try and just make money on a film, that everyone talked about in 2009, when the first film came out. Is there gore here ? Of course, but do we really care ? The Human Centipede 3 is without a doubt a bad film, and not even in a good way. Some scenes are so bad, you do laugh, but not because you are enjoying yourself. Tom Six even shows up in this film, as the director of The Human Centipede films, trying to help the prison with the centipede idea. He is basically trying to make this look like they are making a real centipede, in real life. Lead actor Dieter Laser is so over the top, as the warden Bill Boss, you can at least laugh for his performance. Laurence R. Harvey is back, this time as the wardens accountant Dwight Butler. In the end, The Human Centipede 3 is a big mess, with perhaps the strangest concept so far for this franchise. I really hope this is the last film, because this was not the final chapter we wanted. Where is Uwe Boll when you really need him ?

Rating: D