365 Days

One moment can change your life forverer, when you least expect it. And i am a perfect example of that, as i am about to tell you about something that happened. In the autumn of 2014, i got a call from my friend Tony. He sounded horrible and i asked him:- What´s wrong Tony, i never heard you sounding this depressed ? He said:- Daniel, i just watched the trailer for Fifty Shades Of Grey, and it felt like the end of days is here, we can not survive this. I first thought that he was taking this too serious, so i decided to check it out. The trailer did give me a feeling that something is not ok, that this might actually be the film that could start the clock for the end of times. But it was not until my wife asked me to watch the film with her, when things got out of control. The last thing i remembered from that day, is that i ended up on the floor, crawling out of spasm attacks, and i felt completely drained. It would take weeks until i realised what has happened, when i finally started eating again. I even had to book therapy sessions, where the psychiatrist understood right away, that i was a victim of seeing Fifty Shades Of Grey. On one of these sessions, i was asked :- How did this film affect you Daniel ? I looked at the psychiatrist and said:- It felt like Fifty Shades took away any kind of joy i have ever felt, and threw it down a meat grinder, to make sure i would never feel any joy again. Ever since the therapy sessions, i made a decision, that i will not see the Fifty Shades sequels, no matter how much people wanted me to review these films. It did take a long time to get back to a normal life after seeing Fifty Shades Of Grey, and even to this day i knew that i should have listened to Tony, that he was right. I am happy to say that now i am in a good place, where i do feel hope. Looking back at 2015 now, it feels like i was stuck in the Fifty Shades universe, as many other people became victims of the same experience. Since i have not seen the Fifty Shades sequels, i thought we would be over this in 2020. But for some reason, Netflix decided to release a film called 365 Days, that reminded me of Fifty Shades Of Grey in the trailer. I was asked if i could review this film. At first i thought, is there a chance i will be back in therapy sessions again. But i decided to give this film a chance, because who knows, it might be as good as Dear John. Based on the novel 365 Dni, by author Blanka Lipinska, is the Netflix film 365 Days the masterpiece that i wish everyone would see, or is this a film that never should have been made at all ?

After a meeting between the Torrcelli Sicilan Mafia crime family and black market dealers Massimo Torricelli ( Michele Morrone ) watches a beautiful woman on a beach. His father, leader of the Sicilian Mafia family, is shot dead. Five years later, Massimo is now the leader of the Torricelli crime family. In Warsawa, Laura Biel ( Anna-Maria Sieklucka ), a fiery executive, is unhappy with her relationship with her boyfriend Martin ( Mateusz Lasowski ). Laura celebrates her 29th birthday in Italy but after Martin embarrasses her, she goes off for a walk and runs into Massimo, who kidnaps her. At his villa, Massimo reveals to Laura that she was the woman at the beach. He have thought about her all the time, so he lay out his plan to Laura. She have 365 Days to fall in love with him, as she will be his prisoner during this time. Will Laura try and escape, or is she really falling in love with Massimo ?

Imagine if you would do a remake of the 2010 film Letters To Juliet, with influneces of Fifty Shades Of Grey, and you would pretty much have 365 Days in a nut shell. The biggest difference is of course that 365 Days have much more erotic scenes to offer. Now, some might say that i can´t compare this film to Fifty Shades Of Grey, because it is not the same story. And that is true, there are some differences. But at the end of the day, it does not really matter. 365 Days is a perfect example when you take actors who are not professional, and try and make them feel realistic. And this is one of the big problems, you don´t actually believe in any of these characters. Imagine if you would pick some really bad porn actors from Poland, give them a bad English accent, and you have the characters of 365 Days. Let´s discuss the actors for a while, and let us begin with Italian actor Michele Morrone. This is the first time i have seen him in a film, and especially acting. Let´s just say that when he tries to deliver dialogue, it feels just as exciting as looking at a wall for 6 hours, just to see if you can find anything interesting to see there, and you realise that there is nothing there. Polish actress Anna-Maria Sieklucka is great to look at, but when she starts acting, you realise that she have ( a lot ) of work to do before she can become a serious actress. The chemistry between their characters Don Massino and Laura feels forced, and not natural at all. When we do get to the sex scenes, i have lost all hope. This does not feel sexy, or erotic. If i wanted to see something sexy i just watch Freddy Got Fingered with Tom Green on DVD. I just don´t see the point with 365 Days. Is this film supposed to spice up marriages, or let couples fantasies become more exciting ? Who cares, this is a stupid film that shows that this film wants to show the power of male fantasies, and that the man is in control. Directors Barbara Bialowas and Tomasz Mandes ( they needed two director´s to make this film ? ) have tried to make a film that is supposed to get you horny. Instead, this film won´t even get it up even with the help of a Viagra pill. My suggestion, if you want to get in the right mood for some fun in bed, just watch the 90´s TV series Mighty Morphin Power Rangers instead, and i guarantee you will find the G spot much faster.

Rating: D