måndag 22 april 2019

Is It Really That Bad ? Dracula 3000


What would the world be without them ? Probably a pretty boring place, unless Jason Donovan released a new album every year. Then we would be living in a perfect world, since nothing is better than fresh material from pop artist Jason Donovan. Really ? Yes, i know this is true, so believe me. I have seen so many vampire films since my youth, i can´t remember them all. But i do remember some of them of course, especially Francis Ford Coppolas film version of Bram Stoker´s Dracula, maybe one of the best vampire films ever made? Released in 1992 with a really good cast including Anthony Hopkins, Gary Oldman, Keanue Reeves, Winona Ryder, Monica Belluci, Tom Waits and many more. If you have read the book ( i have and bought it many years ago ), then i believe you will love this film adaptation. Director Francis Ford Coppola managed to capture the story of Dracula in a very beautiful way, making sure we get a very majestic film with wonderful costume design, and really powerful acting. Of course there are vampire films that are really bad as well, and i have thought about one title that may want you to throw up. Let´s dig into a film known as The Dead Matter, released in 2010 in America, but i did not see it until 2 years later on DVD from Germany. I actually bought this film ? Yes, i did, but only because of the cast of legendary actor Andrew Divoff and Tom Savini ( the legendary make up effects artist, and actor as well ). The Dead Matter is a strange film, that tells the story of a vampire relic, that falls into the hands of a young woman who wants to bring back her dead brother. Sounds fantastic right ? Honestly, i have no idea why legends such as Andrew Divoff and Tom Savini is in this film, because it is really bad. The vampires looks really silly, and the special effects ? Let´s just say that all films by director Uwe Boll look like masterpieces compared to The Dead Matter. So if you want to see a film so bad, that will  make you laugh all the time, get this film on DVD and make Swedish Midsummer extra special. I started a segment this year called Is It Really That Bad ?, where i pick out a movie that critics did not enjoy. So for this time i picked out a horror film called Dracula 3000, since this film have some really bad reviews. Coolio in space as a vampire, is this the masterpiece we all wanted, or is Dracula 3000 a film that should never have been made ?

In the year 3000, the space salvage ship Mother III with Captain Van Helsing ( Casper Van Dien ) and his crew, climb on board an abandoned  transport ship known as Demeter. They explore the bridge and find the corpse of Captain Varna ( Udo Kier ) tied to a chair. Captain Van Helsing makes the decision to tow the ship back to Earth. As the crew prepare to return to Mother III, the ship suddenly uncoples from the Demeter, leaving them stranded with no means of communication. Cargo specialist 187 ( Coolio ) and deckhand Humvee ( Tiny Lister ) discover a cargo bay full of coffins. Inside of one of the coffins seems to be filled with sand. But this crew don´t know, they are about to meet their biggest fear.

Right from the beginning we get a sense how bad Dracula 3000 is. The space ship design looks like a factory, where they used to make corn flakes packages. There are pipes everywhere, and when they find coffins with sand inside of them, things are about to become even more fun. When you see a cast of Casper Van Dien ( who you might remember from Starship Troopers ), Erika Eliniak ( who only made one good film, Under Siege ), Coolio ( the 90´s hip hop artists who had a huge hit with Gangster´s Paradise ), Tommy " Tiny " Lister ( who played President Lindberg in The Fifth Element ) and legendary actor Udo Kier ( who were great in Shadow Of A Vampire ) you might think that this should at least be fun to watch ?Unfortunately, this is a horrible attempt to mix Dracula into a space film, as if this is exactly what we wanted to see. The only actor that does any type of acting is actually Udo Kier, and this is still one of his performances you rather forget about. What about the acting from Coolio ? Well, let´s just say i think he should stick to making number 1 albums instead. Of wait, he have not have any more number 1 album´s since the 90´s ? I wonder why. Casper Van Dien does what he usually does, look like the pretty boy. He is ready to party with the other guys in the shower, waiting for who will drop the soap first. Erika Eliniak may look great, but the acting is not good at all. The story makes no sense at all, why would Count Orlock be in space ? Should he not land on a planet instead if he needs blood ? Count Orlock by the way, played by actor Langley Kirkwood, is one of the worst vampire characters ever made. When you see him, you think he just picked up a Dracula costume from a grocery store. Dracula 3000 is without a doubt one of the worst vampire films i have seen in a long time. This is a film that is so bad, you will wonder why director Darrel Roodt agreed to jump on board this project. Luckily, director Darrel Roodt have made some good films since then, especially The Lullaby ( Siembamba ) with wonderful actress Reine Swart, who did a really powerful performance. I suggest you get The Lullaby instead on DVD, and make sure you never see Dracula 3000.

Rating: D

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